You Don’t Need to Believe Everything Your Mind Tells You

Unhelpful or uncomfortable thoughts aren’t a sign that something is wrong with you as a leader. They’re simply part of being human — and, in fast-paced startup environments, they’re often part of the territory. When the stakes are high and uncertainty is constant, the mind naturally generates doubt, criticism, and worst-case scenarios. The problem isn’t that these thoughts appear; it’s what happens when we treat them as unquestionable truths.

This is when we become so entangled with a thought that it feels like a fact. A leader navigating investor pressure or a founder preparing for a major product launch might hear an internal voice whisper, “You’re out of your depth,” and automatically behave as though that voice is delivering objective reality. Decisions become shaped by fear rather than intention; behaviours narrow; flexibility shrinks. The leader becomes more responsive to their internal chatter than to the actual situation in front of them.

Acceptance commitment approaches to coaching offers a different way forward. Instead of pushing thoughts away or trying to silence them, diffusion invites leaders to make room for them — to see thoughts as mental events rather than instructions. This shift is subtle but powerful. When a thought like “I’m not credible enough” arises, diffusion allows a leader to pause long enough to recognise it as a familiar story rather than a verdict. That small moment of distance is what creates the possibility of choice. It allows leaders to consider whether acting on that thought serves their values, their team, or the larger mission they are trying to advance.

Becoming fused with our thoughts can be surprisingly sneaky. It often shows up as rumination about past decisions, rigid expectations about how things should unfold, or harsh self-judgment after every misstep. In founder-led cultures especially — where identity and work are deeply intertwined — these patterns can easily take root. A mind that is trying to protect you from risk ends up narrowing your view of what’s possible.

Practising stepping back from our thoughts begins with noticing what the mind is saying and acknowledging that it is, by design, a storyteller: one that draws heavily on past experience, leans toward negativity for survival reasons, and craves certainty even when the environment doesn’t provide it. Giving a recurring narrative a name — “There’s the ‘I’m going to mess this up’ story again” — can create surprising lightness. It disrupts the illusion of truth and frees you to act from purpose rather than habit.

Ultimately, thoughts are not the enemy. Trying to eliminate them only reinforces their grip. What matters is the relationship you build with them. Coaching can help leaders move from automatic reactions to intentional responses, especially in sectors defined by speed, scrutiny, and continual reinvention. When thoughts lose their authority, leaders regain their agency. And in that space, the decisions that matter most — the ones guided by values, clarity, and long-term vision — become much easier to access.